i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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