Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
