Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
