sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude i'm inner monologue high
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
