If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
