New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
