Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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