I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
