there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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