please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
