She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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