Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
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I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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