I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
