And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
