I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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