We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
