bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
