Quick, to the slutcave!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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