we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
