if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
