I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
