i just had sex bonerless
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
