So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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