mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
