This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
