Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
