Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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