Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
