dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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