Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you never un-have a 4some
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
