He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
