CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
