I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
