dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
