Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
