Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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