the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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