I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
