dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize