Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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