i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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