whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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