I think I died a long time ago.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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