i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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