my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
