I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
