i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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