Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
