She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
