OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
