U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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