He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
