2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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