tell your sister to shave her snatch
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
