My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
