i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize