I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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