she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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