Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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