I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
