I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
