Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
