True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my poor anus
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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