How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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