mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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