If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
