"it" just moved
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
