he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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