He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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