An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
