it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
