oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
